self-esteem
Deep Fat Thought /31
WTF!? Moment #5 Happy I Hate My Body Month!(?)
Happy I Hate My Body Month!(?)
When did January become the unofficial weight loss holiday month? If you doubt the validity of my question, all you have to do is walk into your local store. Upon entering, you are accosted by various displays of exercise equipment, DVDs, yoga mats, diet programs and pills and several varieties of low-carb diet books. Yes, its true those things are always available in the store, but something happens every January, they haul all of those items up to the front of the store for our eager eyes and hands in hopes of curing whatever physical imperfection ails us. Turn on any television channel and the message is clear–its time to make a change as various ads, infomercials and news stories broadcast the message. It’s time again to focus on what’s wrong in your life, and most likely it will have something to do with your body!
Yes, it’s unofficially official—January has become “I hate my body!” month. It’s nestled discretely between “OMG I ate too much in November and December” months and the “I want to find someone to love” month in February” and conveniently located next to the “I’m going to do things different this year” at the beginning of January. It’s easy to see the transition—stores quickly pull all of the holiday décor—1/2 price Christmas trees and outdated Holiday cards and replace them briefly with sequins and bawdy hats marked with the year of change. And then on January 1st, as they slowly sweep up the reminder of New Year’s paraphernalia, they replace it with the “You feel guilty that you gained 5 pounds over the holiday and now you are going to change your body for good” items.
“This Year, I resolve to” …and other problems with Resolutions
While there are many things for people to make a commitment to do differently in their lives, nothing is quite as commercially prosperous as giving the diet industry their own personal holiday. It’s been slowly creeping in over the past 8 years and now it’s finally fermented. Unfortunately, it’s short-lived in terms of being front and center at the storefront. Most people discover they have lost their will power to make that all important “lifestyle change” after about the first three months. However, that doesn’t stop the diet industry from bombarding us with products throughout the rest of the year. Diet plans that promise results within week, elastic bands you wrap around you middle that promise to “MELT, MELT, MELT THAT UGLY FAT AWAY WITHIN WEEKS!”, at least 10 variations of home gyms (my husband owns at least three), various intense workout methods for getting back to “high school skinny.” And, of course there are the ever popular advertisements showing women and men dropping their oversized pants before them reveling their “after-bodies” and vowing “Never again”. It’s enough to make you dizzy with the possibilities (and secretly fearful of the possible failures).
But is there anything wrong with this month-long promotion for change? What’s wrong with wanting to improve yourself? If you are unhappy with your body and life—why not look for sources to change it? There is nothing wrong with wanting to be your best self—however what’s problematic is that the “self” that is projected in our faces through these countless adds, programs and mechanisms are generally well designed smoke and mirror manipulations– or at best–temporary fixes for an internal issue that stems from lack of positive self-affirmation.
Last week, I wrote about the importance of inner change before outer change. In this post, I re-assert that the best way to make change in your life –lasting change– is through inner work. This inner work involves taking a good hard look at yourself, your behavior, choices, self-talk and patterns to determine what is the actually problem—and it may or may not be related to your body.
Everyone has their challenges—however the diet industry has been feeding us placebo pill that asserts that if we just look as perfect as possible on their outside, all the problems that reside inside will magically disappear. They won’t. If you don’t enjoy looking at your body when you weight 180, looking at your body at 120 may pleasurable for a while, unfortunately, many of us will soon find some new imperfection to pick at. If we can find a way to make unconditional self-acceptance our goal—all other goals will fall in place.
I can’t see my accomplishments because I’m too busy focusing on my perceived failures
I used to think about my weight on an hourly basis. I would walk past mirrors and immediately notice everything that was wrong with me. After doing this, I would carry those feelings with me throughout the day. The need to evaluate my outer body corrupted my relationship with my inner-self. They were constantly at odds. I would accomplish some amazing goals like winning 1st place in an art show, and then immediately negate it with “Yeah, but you’re fat! When I achieved my Doctorate, I couldn’t focus on the moment because I was so busy focusing on how tight my pants were. Interesting note—if I had just chosen a size larger there would not have been an issue—but I refused to choose a size larger as that would indicate that, once again, I was abnormal as indicated by the small number printed on a tag. I was holding on to that size 10 as an indication of self-acceptance, when all I had to do was focus on my accomplishments and put on that size 14!
I say all of this simply to point out that we spend a lot of time in this country focusing on the external without much thought being given to the internal. At the same time, we are feeding the monster of obsession with physical perfection, which seems to get bigger every year—devouring our self-esteem, self-knowledge, while at the same time, feeding us a healthy helping of guilt, disgust and frustration.
Determining the right Equipment and Regimen for Change starts with You!
The answer to becoming your best self doesn’t reside in quick, well packaged messages or products. The answers reside within our own bodies and minds. There is nothing wrong with a low-carb diet, but not everyone will have a six-pack and that’s okay. The home gym is a wonderful supportive tool for taking care of your body, but we probably won’t look like Christie Brinkley —I don’t even know if Christie Brinkley looks like Christie Brinkley–and better yet, what’s wrong with looking like yourself? And just because we bought the most stylish yoga pants (and I love my yoga pants) doesn’t mean we will be able to get our heels to the ground during downward dog.
But there can be personal success—our own personal success. That success can only be defined by us. Before we can begin to understand what we need to do, we have to turn off, tune out, and listen to our own personal voices (silence the negative self-talk) and appreciate and accept what we hear. Find your own sense of direction first, and then you can determine which of the tools provided will be of most use to you—instead of wildly trying one gadget after another in hopes of finding the fountain of perfection.
Make this Year about Celebrating You and Your Accomplishments, not Setting Yourself Up for Failure!
Unfortunately, holidays have become very commercialized, and some commercials have become holidays. However, that doesn’t mean we have to celebrate them. Self-celebration is much more rewarding– and not as expensive. It takes time, focus and dedication—just like a diet plan, a home gym, or an insane workout regimen—but the relationship you develop with yourself can be much longer lasting and fulfilling. Ultimately, you will see results—even if they only start on the inside where it counts the most.
If you would like to see yourself in a new way, let’s talk. Contact me at Abundantbodycoach.com
Body Work: Giving Thanks…to Yourself!
Giving Thanks…to Yourself!
So, the holiday season is upon us again. The parties, the friends, the family, the food. It’s rolling upon us like an impending snowstorm. During this season we are reminded of all the privileges we have, and some that we may not have. So, it’s a good time to recognize those things as we prepare for the new year.
So, for our Body Work this week I think it would be a good time to give thanks to a very important person in your life—YOU!
I know it’s often much easier to give thanks, gifts and recognition to others, but it’s also important to acknowledge and appreciate ourselves. It’s not selfish or arrogant—it’s important for your health and wellness. So, let’s get started.
Step One: I want you to make a list of at least 10 things you are thankful for –about you!
I’ll start….
I am thankful for…
- My ability to be creative under pressure—(she says as she scrambles to get this post out in time)
- My tenacity in getting out of difficult situations (such as Holiday Parties—I’m such an introvert!)
- My gift for seeing any situation from a variety of perspectives—I love to look at the world from new perspectives because I always see something different.
- My full round breasts—I think my breasts are beautiful!
- The hue of my skin—Its looks like milk chocolate in the sunlight—my favorite flavor of chocolate!
- My small wrists—sometimes I like to circle my wrists with the thumb and index finger of my other hand—I know, it’s strange—but oddly calming for me
- My large, strong thighs—they have helped me plant over 15 trees by myself in my lush garden
- My dreadlocks/African locks—they save me time, money and energy because I haven’t had to go to the hairstylist for 20 years!
- My soft brown eyes—they are dark, but slightly iridescent. Sometimes when I look at myself in the morning, I can see the innocent little girl that I used to be.
- That I have this blog to talk about all of the things that come to my mind—and a lot of things come to mind. Sometimes I wake up at 3 o’clock in the morning and have to write down ideas because my brain won’t stop generating topics.
Okay, so now I’ve been vulnerable. Your turn! What are you Thankful for? When you’re done with that list come back for Step Two!
So here’s something a little more difficult. Sometimes it’s easier to see our flaws as opposed to our gifts. Wouldn’t it be great if we could turn our flaws into pride? Let’s give it a try.
Step Two: Write down at least 5 of your perceived flaws and then try to see them from another perspective—as a gift! Now, take some time to appreciate your gifts—that at times may seem more like your flaws.
I’ll start again with my personal examples…
- Even though I criticize my thighs, I am thankful for them because they keep me warm.
- Although sometimes I struggle to accept the size of my butt, it’s a great thing because it can cushion a fall.
- I am often embarrassed by my rough and scratchy heels, but it’s exhilarating when I get a pedicure and they look like perfection—it’s just been hidden away under the callous.
- While I sometimes think my nose is a little too broad for my face, it is the one thing that when I look at family photos binds us together visually—my nose connects me to my heritage.
- Although my stomach hangs a little lower than I would like, it’s the perfect place for my cat to perch and purr…
Okay, now your turn. Write a list of at least five flaws and turn them into gifts to yourself. In the future, when you think about citizen these things about yourself, try to keep in mind that every part of us is there for a reason. We are perfectly imperfect—and that’s okay.
Have a Happy Giving-Thanks- to-You Day!
Have a Happy Giving-Thanks- to-You Day!
If you would like to talk about how you can become more appreciative and accepting of yourself. Contact Me. Complete the contact form or visit my website abundantbodycoach.com
Bodywork: Mirror, Mirror
Bodywork: Learning to Appreciate What You See in the Mirror
Many of us have trouble looking ourselves directly in the mirror when naked. We often see ourselves from strategic viewpoints…the side-glance…peering through narrowed eyes…choosing only looking at our “good side”–avoiding the full view of our bodies until we are fully clothed. I used to think I loved my body naked until I realized I never really look at my body naked—so that is the subject of our body work for today…. Learning to Appreciate What You See in the Mirror.
The mirror is a necessary part of our day–but not always a welcome one.
But part of accepting and valuing ourselves is predicated on accepting what we see in that mirror image. In the fairytale, Snow White, the Evil Stepmother often asked, Mirror, mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?—expecting a strange specter whose resided in the mirror to feed her ego—until it didn’t anymore.
We often do the same, looking to others for praise as a way to affirm our own self-worth, or we look to diet and exercise experts to make us to take a good hard look in the mirror and accept that our current body is—well…unacceptable.
Let’s take a good hard look at our body image reflected in the mirror and ask the most important person to affirm our body—Ourselves.
Mirror, Mirror…
Day 1
- Choose a time/day to start this work when you feel calm and fairly at peace with your body—relative to other days.
- Start by taking off all of your clothes (if this seems like too stressful , start with one article of clothing at a time until you can get to the point where you are comfortable taking everything off).
- Step in front of the mirror—preferably, a full-length mirror but a half-length mirror will work also, and close your eyes. Get yourself centered and ready to take it all in.
- Now open your eyes. Stare at your body—looking up and down for at least 3-5 minutes—without making any judgments.
- Now put on your clothes and go about your day. Notice how you’re feeling about your body today.
Day 2
- Choose a time/day to start this work when you feel calm and fairly at peace with your body—relative to other days.
- Start by taking off all of your clothes (if this seems like too stressful, start with one article of clothing at a time until you can get to the point where you are comfortable taking everything off).
- Step in front of the mirror—preferably, a full-length mirror but a half-length mirror will work also, and close your eyes. Get yourself centered and ready to take it all in.
- Now open your eyes.
- What the thing you don’t like? Say it out loud. Be honest, be critical and get it all out. This may result in sadness or crying—expect that and embrace the sadness. You are going to be letting go of negative thoughts about your body during this week, so today is the day to vent all the negativity and release it.
- After doing this very difficult task, end the session with:
In spite of all of that (your criticism) I love you, body.
In the future I will be your best friend, not your worst critic.
- Put on your clothes and move about your day. Notice how you’re feeling about your body today—take time to process it mindfully or in writing.
Day 3: You will need some sticky notes and a pen/pencil.
- Choose a time/day to start this work when you feel calm and fairly at peace with your body—relative to other days.
- Start by taking off all of your clothes (if this seems like too stressful, start with one article of clothing at a time until you can get to the point where you are comfortable taking everything off).
- Step in front of the mirror—preferably, a full-length mirror but a half-length mirror will work also, and close your eyes. Get yourself centered and ready to take it all in.
- Now open your eyes.
- Survey your body, looking over the entire image for a minute or two.
- Locate one thing you like about your body/face.
- Write a quick positive comment on a note to that body part. Then say your positive comment out loud.
Example: Breast you are beautiful and pendulous.
Place the sticky note on the mirror (or if you prefer, in a more private place)
- Smile at your reflection. I like to say, “Thank you, body for your gifts.”
- Put on your clothes and move about your day. Notice how you’re feeling about your body today—take time to process it mindfully or in writing.
Day 4: Do the same process, focusing on another part of your body.
Day 5: Do the same process, focusing on another part of your body.
Day 6: Do the same process, focusing on another part of your body.
Day 7: Continue with this process until you have found joy in as many parts of your body that you can.
For the Next 3 Months or until… Make a habit of looking directly at your body and saying something positive to it/yourself daily—even if you’re in a hurry. You should never be too busy to say a quick, “Hello, Gorgeous!”
If you would like to work on feeling better about yourself and you need someone to listen and support you, Give Me a Call! abundantbodycoach.com
WTF?! (What the Fat?!) Moment #4: Fat Sighting!
WTF?!
Fat Sighting!
So I was casually sitting in a hospital cafeteria waiting for news on a surgical procedure for a loved one, and about to sink my teeth into a patty melt, when a couple sat down about two tables from me. The woman immediately caught my attention due to her loud voice—she seemed like she wanted people to hear her, so I listened. She proceeded to talk about a variety of topics from a “politically incorrect” perspective —I’m not the political correctness police, but I did find her blanket comments annoying about a friend of hers from another culture…
“She’s Spanish and she cooks all of that family style food. You know, everything you’re not supposed to eat because it’s not good for you. You know that is their culture. So, everyone in her family is overweight. ”
I casually looked over to see what she was eating—a half of an avocado. Her friend sat in silence as she continued to talk about a variety of issues—how someone was contesting a will and she wasn’t going to get her fair share of the money…how someone else was lying to her, so she was going to lie to them… how people should eat more healthy etc… I had to admit, I found myself being very irritated by this woman as I sat nibbling with my patty melt and fries.
Then she brought up the Spanish woman with the poor eating habits again. This time I actually hear her luncheon partner speak for the first time. “Is your (Spanish) friend really overweight, he asked.
Although, I wasn’t looking at her, I could feel her begin to scan the cafeteria patrons for an appropriate fat example, her eyes surveying people’s bodies like a gun target scope. She scanned passed me, and then finding no one else who was appropriately fat for her story—she said,
“See that lady over there?” (ME.) “She’s about her size.”
I felt her friend discreetly glance in my direction. And then she continued to talk about what a sweetheart the Spanish woman was– in spite of her girth, but how short she was….
And she went on, but strangely enough, I didn’t hear anything else that she said. I had lapsed into my own internal monologue. I had just been the victim of a fat sighting. Now, what was I going to do about it?…
Fat Sighting, Coming Soon to a Location Near You
Fat sightings are not rare—actually they happen on a daily basis in today’s weight obsessed culture. You’ve probably seen many, but maybe you didn’t know it. The media are quite skillful at the Fat Sighting. Whenever there is a story of obesity, overeating, diabetes—type 2 (people with Type 1 Diabetes never seem to make the news), obese children, enlarged celebrities, or any other weight or body centered story toping the news, they pull out the stock photos of headless large-sized people. These people are often unaware that they are being used as an example for failure as they go about their business—shopping, walking down the street, minding their own business—while a camera has been covertly focused on their stomachs, butts and thighs and chins.
The rest of the viewing audience holds their breath hoping that their bodies (or no one that looks similar to them in size) will be featured/spotted. When they are adequately comfortable that they are not one of “those fat folk” they relax and return to their regularly scheduled fat observations—noting to themselves how “those obese people” need to make better choices.
And Now, Time for a Commercial Break
Another example of fat sighting is the common weight loss and diabetic commercial. There are any number of diet/weight loss commercials showing a sad, frumpy large-sized person, along with their mirror image, but smaller—flinging a pair of size 20 jeans aside to reveal her new body! They seems to be saying: Now that I have lost the weight everything is wonderful! But is it ethical to depict the fairy tale that if you are thin, everything in your life will magically transform?
Sometimes these commercials target people who may be feeling pretty good about themselves, only to make a mockery of their self-confidence. My favorite example is a commercial in which a collection of images of people who look a variety of sizes, smiling, looking very cool and diverse—some stylish and hip and others suburban, resembling a classy middle class parental image—and yet, next to each one a spinning dial—similar to a scale—targets a different word—OVERWEIGHT (spin) OBESE (spin) AVERAGE. The message of the commercial being that you may think you look/feel fine, however if anyone were to label your size, you actually would be unhealthy, very unhealthy or on the verge of unhealthy. Yet, another fat sighting! Go to livewellcolorado.org and they will tell you how fat you are.
Now, I’m not saying that a message of getting healthy is not good for America, but thin people can be just as unhealthy as large people. I think a better representative commercial would be one were people of all sizes, shape and weight are shown—not just large size people. There are thin people who would benefit from information about their habits and lifestyle also.
Lights, Camera, FAT!
My favorite fat sightings—and I don’t mean that literally—are the celebrity fat sightings. It seems that the American public loves a celebrity fat sighing. Various media sources keep track of celebrity weight gain and weight loss. Applauding those who quickly shed baby weight—“how did she do it!” and gain it, “Wow, She looks like she’s been eating for 10! That can’t be healthy.”
Supermarket lines are loaded with magazines of faceless starlets with sections of their bodies circled or targeted by red arrows—indicating “jiggles”, overhang and cellulite. Celebrities who have at one time have been considered “sexy” seem to be a favorite fat sighting focus—Christina Aquilera and Jessica Simpson are common targets. It seems as if people love to mock those who were once the picture of perfection “sink” to into a size 10! (OMG) However, once they lose the weight, they can re-gain their “darling” status.
Those who have the most difficult time with celebrity fat sighting are those who have had recurring battles with their weight—Oprah, Kirstie Alley come to mind. The media love to chronicle their weight, creating timelines of their weight cycle for everyone to see—taking up two pages laid flat. What’s interesting is that this yo-yo cycle which is presented as such a sad situation for these celebrities, most closely represents the typical weight-loss pattern for most dieters in the U.S. And yet, these celebrities are portrayed as having particularly low will power.
http://www.you’re fat!
Our fascination with other people’s bodies continues to seep into every aspect of our lives. Social media are an interesting example. In this format people actually place themselves up for public ridicule. Many posts are filled with people looking for stranger’s affirmation of their breast, butts, abs, arms—pretty much everything. And others are eager to accommodate the poster’s needs—sometimes leaving positive affirmations, but more often leaving criticism, nastiness and hatefulness all in the name of “just being honest”.
One acquaintance of mine—a larger sized woman—posted her nude body on a popular social media site. I had no problem with it, if that’s what she wanted to do (but I didn’t see the need for it). So, of course she received about 3-4 positive comments ,but the vast majority of the rest were hate-filled ranting about her weight, and her folds, her breasts, her skin and…you name it. She was devastated. “How could people say such mean things to me? I didn’t expect that,” she cried on my shoulder. I just listened and consoled. But I wasn’t surprised. Everyone loves a fat sighting, and a large size person baring themselves to the social media universe is like a smorgasbord for hateful people not only to see, but to bully, critic and dismantle the positive-self concept of a person who may have thought they were wonderful.
Which brings me back to the hospital cafeteria…
I scanned my brain for the appropriate response to my own personal experience with a fat sighting. Should I pick up my tray and stomp out passed her making sure she saw me, give her the one finger salute, or just stare at her for a very long time until I felt I have made her as uncomfortable and targeted as she had just made me?
After a few inner conscience battles, I settled on the response of… no response at all. After, thinking over, I asked myself why I had allowed this person—a complete stranger—to impact my lunch and my focus on my healing loved one. Why had I given her so much power in that moment? I decided to let it go and refocus my energy on positive thoughts about myself and others. Focusing on those who target others is futile and it does not feed my spirit to attack them. So, I held my head up, settled my chubby (but cute) little rump into the seat, and took another bite of my patty melt.
Keep Calm and Love Your Curves!
If you would like to talk about your experience
in your body, give me a call.
abundantbodycoach.com
Fat Cat. Fat Moma. An Analysis of the Origins of Fat in Four Parts (Part 3)
Fat Cat. Fat Moma
An Analysis of the Origins of Fat in Four Parts
This post continues my discussion of the following questions from previous posts in this series. I introduced the prompt of investigating my impact on my cat Cassie’s weight through discussing three different questions:
• Is Being Large the result of personal choices regarding food and exercise and/or lack of will power?
• Is Being Large influenced by our Environment and Socialization?
• Is Being Large Hereditary and therefore a simple genetic characteristic?
So…what’s next?
Part 3: Is Being Fat A Question of Socialization and Environmental Influences?
In the last post I addressed the issue of choice and the contradictory assumptions about food choices for large sized people and thin people. In this post I will address a common assumption about weight—you learn what you’re taught and what you live!
The Trials and Tribulations of a House Cat
In order to talk about the socialization of my Fat Cat, I need to give you a little background…
So… I got two of my cats (Cassie–the “fat one,” and Chester—the “muscular one”) as kittens from a local pet shelter. I got Connie—the “thin one”, from a private home– straight from the teat of her cat mama. In my last post I talked about the differences in their eating habits. In short—Cassie gobbles quickly and looks for more, Connie gobbles slowly and looks for more (but Cassie has usually eaten up all of the extras) and Chester gobbles only what he wants and then back away from the dish. So, why such a difference in their eating habits? I didn’t train them to eat the way each of them do—at least, I don’t think I did.
Cassie started a little timid about eating; I think that was due to the fact that I used to have another cat–the “queen of the house” Lovey. Everyone had to be careful about eating around her, being she did not like others eating too close. So, often Chester and Cassie had to wait until she was finished with her food in order to eat theirs. Lovely died of old age two years ago, and then Cassie was the primary indoor feeder, being that Chester as an outdoor cat ate only in the morning and in the evening when he returned home. When I adopted Connie about a year later, the pecking order had already been established.
So what might account for the difference in Cassie’s girth at nearly 14 lbs? Maybe it’s because we have an automatic feeder so food is available at all times. Being two busy people, my husband and I like to know that we don’t have to worry about feeding or forgetting to feed the cats. He brought the automatic feeder from his house when we married which was also used to feed the before mentioned deceased cat Queen Lovey.
Lovey was also quite plump, but she was a fluffy variety of cat, similar to Cassie. I was always amazed at the way she would look when my husband would have her shaved to resemble a lion. Every summer she would become a tiny timid looking version of her previously massive intimidating stature. So similar to Lovey, maybe it was the combination of being an indoor cat and having an automatic feeder that was responsible for making my Cassie fluffier than the average cat.
But if that was the case, why wasn’t Connie fat too? She was living in the same environment as Cassie, accustomed to limited and controlled outdoor activity (they are only allowed out on the porch when I am home), regular feeding from the automatic feeder, and just Cassie to play with for stimulation—and they play together a lot. So once again, why isn’t Connie fat?
Fat Kid/Thin Kid
art by Svetlana Petrova
This is a question I have been asking for awhile about fatness and humans. In a family household why is it that some children are fat and others are not? If they are raised in the same environment, under the same conditions, what accounts for the difference in body size? I know the response many may have is: because the thin children run, jump for exercise and exhibit will power when eating. Fat children don’t. But can it be explained away that easily?
If children are living in the same home, in most cases they are exposed to the same foods, eating habit models and home culture movement routines. The family likes to play baseball together, or they sit and watch TV as a home culture– the children receive that modeling. The family likes to eat more “healthy” foods, or they may tend to eat a lot of take out or fast food as a family– the children receive that modeling.
My point is that from an early age they are all being exposed to the same cultural stimulus if they live in the same home. In some cases the large child may eat a bit more, which to some, might explain why they are larger. But, if anyone has been around kids of a certain age, you notice that, if given the choice, they all would stuff their faces with candy, popsicles and nachos. So, why do some kids stay thin and others stay fat from the same decadent eating behavior?
In terms of movement, I know people would say that the reason there is an “obesity epidemic in children” is due to the fact that children don’t get outside and play as much anymore. To an extent there may be some merit in blaming our overall cultural lack of movement and increased sedentary lifestyle (Anissa says, as she has been sitting typing at a computer for over two hours now) adding to our increased weight and waistline girth as a society.
But, I do see big kids being active. They’re playing softball, on sports teams, dancing, walking and running down the street–generally making a lot of noise with their friends, just like any other kid. Do some sit in the house and participate in very little exercise? Sure! So do some thin kids. Some kids—regardless of their size– would just rather sit in the house with a good book, playing videos or watching TV. In moderation, I don’t think there is anything wrong with these quiet activities. Sometimes, I think we need to teach our kids to be more comfortable with being alone with their thoughts, being solitary and reflective in addition to being active and playful with others is a good thing. Maybe then they wouldn’t be so dependent on the opinions of others, as the current social media bullying scene has proven to be the case. But, I digress (which is so easy to do on social media!).
Little Fat Black Girl
I have always been a chubby little girl—hence the title: little fat black girl. Yet, I don’t remember eating any differently than my cousins and aunties whose behavior I mirrored. I often spent summers at my grandma’s in Nebraska. We would swim every day, take long walks, get into trouble for picking apricots from the neighbor’s tree, and stay out (in the old days unsupervised) until late at night. We would come home and eat whatever my grandma had prepared—usually stuffed with cheese or gravy or some other sumptuous texture that I have come to associate with comfort. But, even at that time, many of my family was smaller than me. Even though I have seen pictures of myself as a thin little fat black girl of about 6 or 7, I don’t actually remember ever being thin. This body has always been my casing. Nobody did it to me, and I don’t feel wronged. This is my body—it may be smaller at times, and it may be larger at other times, but it is mine.
Back to the issue of cats and fat…
Cassie is the same, I don’t think I did anything to her, nor she did anything to herself. She just is. Similar to the human mystery of body differences for children in the same family, I can’t think of anything that I’m doing to contribute the fatness of my Cassie Cat, that I’m not doing in the same way to my Connie Cat. I think the answer is that they are just different cats, and react differently to the same stimuli–just like humans.
Maybe she was born that way.
Next Blog Episode: Part 4 of Fat Cat. Fat Mama.: Is Being Fat A Question of Heredity and Genetics?
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Deep Fat Thoughts/5
Taken from Google Images
You Go Girl! Love You as You Are!
Love You as You are–An Affirmation!
by Anissa Butler
You appreciate that your body is your body—with all of its positives and negatives—but it’s yours– so it’s your responsibility to love it, respect it and treat it with kindness—You Go Girl!
You have lost those stubborn 10 lbs– Good for You!
Your weight is higher than the Body Mass Index recommends– So What! Love Yourself Anyway.
You wear whatever size fits you at the time—size is just a number—and your body is perfectly formed for what it needs to do—You Go Girl!
You fluctuate between a size 12 and 16—So What– Love Yourself Anyway.
You are a size 4 and have become obsessed with reaching that size 2– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
Your butt is a little larger than you would like, so you pack it in the most flattering pair of pants you can find and keep on struttin’—You Go Girl!
You look into the mirror and like what you see —most of the time—Good for You!
You can’t find your six pack abs– So What! Love Yourself Anyway.
You really enjoy eating your favorite food—whether it’s healthy or not– You Go Girl!
You are eating more veggies– Good for You!
You have Type 2 Diabetes and you and/or others feel you brought this on yourself due to you weight or eating habits– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You regularly enjoy walking around your home naked and jubilant– You Go Girl!
You like your body naked—even though it’s not perfect—Good for You!
You have cellulite– So What! Love Yourself Anyway.
You avoid mirrors when you are naked because you don’t like what you see– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You finished that 5K run—whether running or walking– You Go Girl!
You walked around the block—Good for You!
You think about getting off the couch to be more active, but you just haven’t managed it yet- That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You love to tell other people positive things about themselves– You Go Girl!
You have stopped internalizing the negative words of other women in your life– Good for You!
You spend a lot of time with other women who spend too much time talking about their physical imperfections—So What! Love Yourself Anyway.
You find yourself being critical of other women’s bodies– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You love to tell yourself positive things—it’s not being arrogant, it’s being appreciative—You Go Girl!
You spend time daily, weekly or monthly reflecting on your life, spirit and gifts– Good for You!
Sometimes you are not sure what you have to offer that someone would love– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
Your partner thinks you are hot– and so do you!—You go Girl!
You partner doesn’t seem attracted to you anymore—and you’re trying to figure out what you what to do about. Good for You!
You seem to choose partners who don’t value you– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You have decided to love your body in spite of all of the messages you receive that say you are not good enough– You Go Girl!
You have decided to look the way you want, and wear what you want– even if others don’t like it—Good for You!
You are tired of criticizing yourself, feeling guilty for eating and/or not exercising, but sometimes it’s hard not to get down on yourself– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You have decided to stop giving your money and faith to the diet/beauty industry unless they enhance (not cover up) the amazing woman you already are—You Go Girl!
You refuse to sit through another episode of The Biggest Loser—because YOU are a Winner— Good for You!
You have been teased because of the way you look– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You feel like the direct target for all of those diet program “before and after” commercials– So What! Love Yourself Anyway.
You are a role model in the way that you carry yourself with acceptance and pride—regardless of your body size—You Go Girl!
You have decided to encourage your daughters and sons to a have healthy body image by encouraging them to express their own personal sense of beauty—Good for You!
You child has started to tease and make fun of your body size– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
So, You’re Not Perfect….Who Is?
But We Can Love and Value Ourselves– Regardless of Our Imperfections.
Let’s make a commitment to accept ourselves one-day-at-a-time.
Let’s try to say something positive to ourselves–
and to at least one other woman EVERYDAY.
Deep Fat Thought/3
by little fat black girl
Little Fat Black Girl 