Whatever is bothering you...
abundantbodycoach.com (taken from google images)
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WTF!? Moment #5 Happy I Hate My Body Month!(?)
Happy I Hate My Body Month!(?)
When did January become the unofficial weight loss holiday month? If you doubt the validity of my question, all you have to do is walk into your local store. Upon entering, you are accosted by various displays of exercise equipment, DVDs, yoga mats, diet programs and pills and several varieties of low-carb diet books. Yes, its true those things are always available in the store, but something happens every January, they haul all of those items up to the front of the store for our eager eyes and hands in hopes of curing whatever physical imperfection ails us. Turn on any television channel and the message is clear–its time to make a change as various ads, infomercials and news stories broadcast the message. It’s time again to focus on what’s wrong in your life, and most likely it will have something to do with your body!
Yes, it’s unofficially official—January has become “I hate my body!” month. It’s nestled discretely between “OMG I ate too much in November and December” months and the “I want to find someone to love” month in February” and conveniently located next to the “I’m going to do things different this year” at the beginning of January. It’s easy to see the transition—stores quickly pull all of the holiday décor—1/2 price Christmas trees and outdated Holiday cards and replace them briefly with sequins and bawdy hats marked with the year of change. And then on January 1st, as they slowly sweep up the reminder of New Year’s paraphernalia, they replace it with the “You feel guilty that you gained 5 pounds over the holiday and now you are going to change your body for good” items.
“This Year, I resolve to” …and other problems with Resolutions
While there are many things for people to make a commitment to do differently in their lives, nothing is quite as commercially prosperous as giving the diet industry their own personal holiday. It’s been slowly creeping in over the past 8 years and now it’s finally fermented. Unfortunately, it’s short-lived in terms of being front and center at the storefront. Most people discover they have lost their will power to make that all important “lifestyle change” after about the first three months. However, that doesn’t stop the diet industry from bombarding us with products throughout the rest of the year. Diet plans that promise results within week, elastic bands you wrap around you middle that promise to “MELT, MELT, MELT THAT UGLY FAT AWAY WITHIN WEEKS!”, at least 10 variations of home gyms (my husband owns at least three), various intense workout methods for getting back to “high school skinny.” And, of course there are the ever popular advertisements showing women and men dropping their oversized pants before them reveling their “after-bodies” and vowing “Never again”. It’s enough to make you dizzy with the possibilities (and secretly fearful of the possible failures).
But is there anything wrong with this month-long promotion for change? What’s wrong with wanting to improve yourself? If you are unhappy with your body and life—why not look for sources to change it? There is nothing wrong with wanting to be your best self—however what’s problematic is that the “self” that is projected in our faces through these countless adds, programs and mechanisms are generally well designed smoke and mirror manipulations– or at best–temporary fixes for an internal issue that stems from lack of positive self-affirmation.
Last week, I wrote about the importance of inner change before outer change. In this post, I re-assert that the best way to make change in your life –lasting change– is through inner work. This inner work involves taking a good hard look at yourself, your behavior, choices, self-talk and patterns to determine what is the actually problem—and it may or may not be related to your body.
Everyone has their challenges—however the diet industry has been feeding us placebo pill that asserts that if we just look as perfect as possible on their outside, all the problems that reside inside will magically disappear. They won’t. If you don’t enjoy looking at your body when you weight 180, looking at your body at 120 may pleasurable for a while, unfortunately, many of us will soon find some new imperfection to pick at. If we can find a way to make unconditional self-acceptance our goal—all other goals will fall in place.
I can’t see my accomplishments because I’m too busy focusing on my perceived failures
I used to think about my weight on an hourly basis. I would walk past mirrors and immediately notice everything that was wrong with me. After doing this, I would carry those feelings with me throughout the day. The need to evaluate my outer body corrupted my relationship with my inner-self. They were constantly at odds. I would accomplish some amazing goals like winning 1st place in an art show, and then immediately negate it with “Yeah, but you’re fat! When I achieved my Doctorate, I couldn’t focus on the moment because I was so busy focusing on how tight my pants were. Interesting note—if I had just chosen a size larger there would not have been an issue—but I refused to choose a size larger as that would indicate that, once again, I was abnormal as indicated by the small number printed on a tag. I was holding on to that size 10 as an indication of self-acceptance, when all I had to do was focus on my accomplishments and put on that size 14!
I say all of this simply to point out that we spend a lot of time in this country focusing on the external without much thought being given to the internal. At the same time, we are feeding the monster of obsession with physical perfection, which seems to get bigger every year—devouring our self-esteem, self-knowledge, while at the same time, feeding us a healthy helping of guilt, disgust and frustration.
Determining the right Equipment and Regimen for Change starts with You!
The answer to becoming your best self doesn’t reside in quick, well packaged messages or products. The answers reside within our own bodies and minds. There is nothing wrong with a low-carb diet, but not everyone will have a six-pack and that’s okay. The home gym is a wonderful supportive tool for taking care of your body, but we probably won’t look like Christie Brinkley —I don’t even know if Christie Brinkley looks like Christie Brinkley–and better yet, what’s wrong with looking like yourself? And just because we bought the most stylish yoga pants (and I love my yoga pants) doesn’t mean we will be able to get our heels to the ground during downward dog.
But there can be personal success—our own personal success. That success can only be defined by us. Before we can begin to understand what we need to do, we have to turn off, tune out, and listen to our own personal voices (silence the negative self-talk) and appreciate and accept what we hear. Find your own sense of direction first, and then you can determine which of the tools provided will be of most use to you—instead of wildly trying one gadget after another in hopes of finding the fountain of perfection.
Make this Year about Celebrating You and Your Accomplishments, not Setting Yourself Up for Failure!
Unfortunately, holidays have become very commercialized, and some commercials have become holidays. However, that doesn’t mean we have to celebrate them. Self-celebration is much more rewarding– and not as expensive. It takes time, focus and dedication—just like a diet plan, a home gym, or an insane workout regimen—but the relationship you develop with yourself can be much longer lasting and fulfilling. Ultimately, you will see results—even if they only start on the inside where it counts the most.
If you would like to see yourself in a new way, let’s talk. Contact me at Abundantbodycoach.com
Deep Fat Thought/12
Taken from Google Images
Deep Fat Thought/10
Taken from facebook.com/nota diet google images
Deep Fat Thought/9
Taken from Google Images
Deep Fat Thought/8
Taken from Love Your Body Campaign/Google Images
Fat Cat. Fat Moma. An Analysis of the Origins of Fat in Four Parts (Part 2)
Fat Cat. Fat Moma.
An Analysis of the Origins of Fat in Four Parts
In Part One of Fat Cat. Fat Mama. I introduced the prompt of investigating my impact on my cat Cassie’s weight through discussing three different questions:
- Is Being Large the result of personal choices regarding food and exercise and/or lack of will power?
- Is Being Large influenced by our Environment and Socialization?
- Is Being Large Hereditary and therefore a simple genetic characteristic?
Once, again I’m excited to continue the discussion in Part Two.
Part 2: Is Being Fat A Question of Choice?
Let’s start with the choice argument. So with this argument, Cassie is responsible for her own choices and behaviors (as much as a cat can be), and therefore is capable of making different choices in her life. Let’s take a look at Cassie’s life choices.
Choice Aint All That It’s Cracked Up To Be.
Cassie’s Eating Habits: Cassie does eat more mightily than my other cats. You remember that tuna song I shared with you in part one (Tuna, Tuna, Tuna…)? Well, at the first note of that song Cassie moves so quickly that sometimes I almost trip over her as she tries to beat me to her own bowl.
This food obsessive behavior is what some people may think large sized people do when it’s time to eat—and why would they have another image? That seems to be the most consistent message we receive about fat people—they think about food all the time, hurry to get to it when it’s available, and then gorge themselves when they get the opportunity. Sometimes, the perspective is correct—but is that stereotype only reflective of the behavior of large sized people?
I have witnessed thin folk running for the front of the line—especially at buffets. This behavior is rampant at sea during the abundance of 24 hours buffets on various cruise lines. People push and shove in order to be the first to get their plates loaded with a smorgasbord of delights. I always think, “C’mon people. There is plenty of food to go around and they serve it 24 hours a day! So, relax.” However, at the same time, my mouth may be watering, contemplating the variety of flavors I have never tried before. I’m excited and I happily admit I enjoy food and eating, but judging from the wide variety of food commercials with people of varying sized gobbling hamburgers, pizza and rich chocolate desserts, so does the rest of America!
Food excites me, and I’m sure Cassie feels the same way. Although her choices are not as vast as mine—mostly dry food or wet food (once or twice a week)— that does not stop her from bounding down the stairs in anticipation of that Fancy Feast every time she hears the Tuna song or the pop of the tin lid being pulled from the rim of a can. But it doesn’t stop my other cats either. They are just not as fast as Cassie. Big girls can run!
However, the anticipation of food for the fat cat (or person) in our culture seems to be equated with the belief that she is greedy, hoggish and consumed with food being that she’s a large cat. And as I have indicated above, I have seen many thin cats (and people) exhibiting the same behavior. However, when you are fat that behavior comes with a judgment of deserved consequences.
Comments I have heard from some thin people:
- “See, that’s why she’s so fat, because she eats too heartily.”
- “Yes, I like to eat too as a thin person, but I can eat what I like because I’m thin.”
- “Fat people must eat a lot. I like to eat a lot and I’m not fat; so fat people must really gorge themselves.”
So it’s not the behavior (of eating a lot) that is the culprit; it is the physical manifestation of the behavior that brands you as guilty of a lack of will power and self-control. Being visibly large is the villain! It seems that as long as there is no physical evidence of your behavior, you can carry on eating whatever you want in this culture.
Getting to the Dish!
art by Svetlana Petrova
Cassie does seem to want food more often. She is the ring leader in terms of making sure that the cat food bowls are replenished in a timely manner. But once the bowl is full, the others—Chester and Connie always dig in heartily and gobble the delectable edibles just like Cassie does.
Of the three cats, Cassie tends to gobble up her food the fastest, but what’s fascinating is that they all have interestingly different temperaments around eating that are easily generalized to the common beliefs about eating behavior.
Cassie eats quickly and heartily, gulping down her food, licking her plate clean. She then begins the routine of dipping her nose into everyone else’s dish to see what food she can devour next. I can’t speak for other large sized people, but I have been known to exhibit this behavior, When I’m excited to eat I often devour my food quickly, sometimes not even tasting the flavor I was craving. Then I have (in the past) waited in anticipation to see if there would be leftovers so I could have just a little bit more—even though I wasn’t hungry. I just wanted more of the flavor that I didn’t taste the first time, and probably wouldn’t enjoy the second time because I was already full. My body was reacting to the idea of the flavor.
Connie, my sleek black cat has a different temperament about food. She also runs with great anticipation to the plate with the first notes of the Tuna song. However, I usually feed her second because, to be honest, if I fed her fist, Cassie would stick her head into Connie’s plate before Connie even got a chance to smell it. However, once Connie’s helping is accessible, she devours her food much in the same way that Cassie does. The difference is that Connie takes longer to eat. She still licks her plate and looks for other food to gather after she is done ,but it takes her longer to do. By that time there usually is no food left (Cassie got it all!).
Connie’s eating is similar to the research on the benefits of slow eating. Taking your time to eat slows down your need for more food, because by the time you have finished eating, your body is already sending the signal to your brain that you are full. So, even though you may have cravings, you are less likely to eat more because you are full. This eating suggestion is one that is difficult for me to achieve. I am often doing several things will I eat so I am what’s called a distracted eater. I could definitely work on this practice.
My oldest cat and only male, Chester has still yet another eating style. Chester is always the last to be fed, often because he does not come for the Tuna song like Cassie and Connie. He is my only outdoor cat and he is generally much more interested in going for a walk or hunting some imaginary prey than running in to get canned tuna. Food is not a priority for Chester. Sure, when he comes in the house, the first thing he does is go to the food bowl; but he can often go an entire day without eating. When he does eat, he eats only what he is hungry for, and then literally backs away from the bowl—often leaving uneaten food (which Cassie waits patiently to devour).
Chester also exhibits a behavior which many eating psychologist, nutritionist, and wellness coaches recommend: paying attention to fullness and eating only when hungry, and then actually stopping the eating when you recognize you are getting full—before you become uncomfortably full. I have tried to do this, however I often find that my compulsion for flavor precedes my hunger signals. Unlike Chester, it is very difficult for me not to finish my food, even though I am no longer feeling hungry, because that flavor image is still in front of me. I must complete my mission to devour that flavor!
Get Your Move On!
In terms of movement, Cassie does tend to lounge more than my other cats, but her fur is thicker and so she gets hot (my explanation). But no matter how long she’s been relaxing, if she sees some little creature or toy scurry across the floor she has no problem, and no hesitation in jumping up and capturing the poor unfortunate creature or insect. Her fly catching abilities are fascinating! No lethargy there—swift and to the point, like a marksmen. And, after that action packed chase she will resume her nap.
I am similar. If given the choice, I would rather relax on my couch and enjoy the comfort of my home, or do some other sedentary behavior which gives me time to be quiet, contemplate and reflect on my life and experiences. I don’t feel a need to be busy at all time. However, when I get motivated, I am quick to move. I love to exercise—I was quite good at step aerobics back in the day until I developed planters fasciitis which discouraged much of my exercise for several years. Now, I love to yoga, strengthening work and walking. I’m not an extreme exercise person as I’m not that competitive (although I understand why some people do love the P90X or similar workout plans). It’s just not my cup of tea.
Speaking of tea, I love to sit out in my garden and enjoy a cup of tea while I survey the fruits of my labor—my garden. This is a central source of my activity. In the height of spring and summer it is not unusual for me to spend up to 8 hours straight in the yard several days a week, planting, digging, transplanting and cleaning. While it may not look EXTREME, anyone who has spent significant time working in the yard knows that it is not an easy task and not an activity for the lazy of bones. It’s rejuvenating and exhilarating—much like the high that someone world get spending a day biking, golfing or some other outdoor sport. It’s just as valid an act of movement as any other.
art by Svetlana Petrova
Once again, Cassie and I share a love of the outdoors. She likes to sit in the sit in the sun, letting the sun drench her fur with radiance, and I enjoy the same right beside her. As I sit on the porch, I watch Chester and Connie chase each other and scurry up the nearest tree. I look down to see Cassie sitting contentedly beside me, and I realize some creatures are tree climbers and others are the planters of trees. Cassie and I plant trees. We like it here on the earth’s floor where we’re are comfortable and safe.
So what about Choice? Is Cassie making herself fat? Well, her eating habits can be improved (as can my own), but they are not too different from my smallest cat, Connie. They both run for the food dish, devour their plate contents and beg for more. They both like to spend time being active and laying in the sun (which cats do so well! I wish I were a cat in my house). They both are indoor cats with less exposure to the outdoor activity.
So why is Cassie more than 7 lbs more than Connie? If it’s not Cassie’s personal choices that made her fat; then maybe it has something to do with me.
Next Blog Episode: Part 3 of Fat Cat. Fat Mama: Am I Making My Cat (and myself) Fat?
Are you trying to make sense of your body?
Your Life? Your Relationships?
Give me a call. Let’s Chat.
You Go Girl! Love You as You Are!
Love You as You are–An Affirmation!
by Anissa Butler
You appreciate that your body is your body—with all of its positives and negatives—but it’s yours– so it’s your responsibility to love it, respect it and treat it with kindness—You Go Girl!
You have lost those stubborn 10 lbs– Good for You!
Your weight is higher than the Body Mass Index recommends– So What! Love Yourself Anyway.
You wear whatever size fits you at the time—size is just a number—and your body is perfectly formed for what it needs to do—You Go Girl!
You fluctuate between a size 12 and 16—So What– Love Yourself Anyway.
You are a size 4 and have become obsessed with reaching that size 2– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
Your butt is a little larger than you would like, so you pack it in the most flattering pair of pants you can find and keep on struttin’—You Go Girl!
You look into the mirror and like what you see —most of the time—Good for You!
You can’t find your six pack abs– So What! Love Yourself Anyway.
You really enjoy eating your favorite food—whether it’s healthy or not– You Go Girl!
You are eating more veggies– Good for You!
You have Type 2 Diabetes and you and/or others feel you brought this on yourself due to you weight or eating habits– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You regularly enjoy walking around your home naked and jubilant– You Go Girl!
You like your body naked—even though it’s not perfect—Good for You!
You have cellulite– So What! Love Yourself Anyway.
You avoid mirrors when you are naked because you don’t like what you see– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You finished that 5K run—whether running or walking– You Go Girl!
You walked around the block—Good for You!
You think about getting off the couch to be more active, but you just haven’t managed it yet- That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You love to tell other people positive things about themselves– You Go Girl!
You have stopped internalizing the negative words of other women in your life– Good for You!
You spend a lot of time with other women who spend too much time talking about their physical imperfections—So What! Love Yourself Anyway.
You find yourself being critical of other women’s bodies– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You love to tell yourself positive things—it’s not being arrogant, it’s being appreciative—You Go Girl!
You spend time daily, weekly or monthly reflecting on your life, spirit and gifts– Good for You!
Sometimes you are not sure what you have to offer that someone would love– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
Your partner thinks you are hot– and so do you!—You go Girl!
You partner doesn’t seem attracted to you anymore—and you’re trying to figure out what you what to do about. Good for You!
You seem to choose partners who don’t value you– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You have decided to love your body in spite of all of the messages you receive that say you are not good enough– You Go Girl!
You have decided to look the way you want, and wear what you want– even if others don’t like it—Good for You!
You are tired of criticizing yourself, feeling guilty for eating and/or not exercising, but sometimes it’s hard not to get down on yourself– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You have decided to stop giving your money and faith to the diet/beauty industry unless they enhance (not cover up) the amazing woman you already are—You Go Girl!
You refuse to sit through another episode of The Biggest Loser—because YOU are a Winner— Good for You!
You have been teased because of the way you look– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
You feel like the direct target for all of those diet program “before and after” commercials– So What! Love Yourself Anyway.
You are a role model in the way that you carry yourself with acceptance and pride—regardless of your body size—You Go Girl!
You have decided to encourage your daughters and sons to a have healthy body image by encouraging them to express their own personal sense of beauty—Good for You!
You child has started to tease and make fun of your body size– That’s Okay. Love Yourself Anyway.
So, You’re Not Perfect….Who Is?
But We Can Love and Value Ourselves– Regardless of Our Imperfections.
Let’s make a commitment to accept ourselves one-day-at-a-time.
Let’s try to say something positive to ourselves–
and to at least one other woman EVERYDAY.
Deep Fat Thought/3
by little fat black girl
WTF?! (What the Fat?!) Moment #1: Cutting the Fat—Literally
WTF?! Moment #1:
Cutting the Fat—Literally
Take a Look at this Image? What Do You See?
Is this image simply a message meant to be a signpost for the importance of cutting fat(whether it be through diet or surgery)
or
Is this image a malicious message promoting fat hatred directed towards women?
Maybe some of you have seen this image before or you have seen similar images, but encountering this image was pretty shocking for me.
I was looking through the dollar photo club a couple of days ago, searching for less-offensive images of fat women than what I typically see. You know– the large woman eating 4 hamburgers at the same time, or an image of her large form squatting threateningly over a small creature). But, I knew I wouldn’t find anything too positive using the key words “weight” and “women” and I was correct. I found the typical weight shaming images of scales dialed to (the subliminal) 110 pounds, women with the outstretched, “I did it arms” proud of their weight loss (good for them!), women running, jumping, hurdling over fences (probably being chased by images of their own fat fears) and everyone’s favorite—the before and after shots ( I have my own personal collection of these. I am thinking of having them glazed to use for cup coasters).
But as I continued to peruse those typical weight loss images, I came across this one and stopped dead in my mouse strokes. This image was so startling to me that my eyes widened and I literally felt pain in the side of my torso. We are accustomed to the typical misogynistic horror/suspense film image of a woman with her eyes wide in terror as a sharp blade is poised dangerously close to her carotid artery. Well, this image wasn’t a poster for a horror film, but it is horrific! It was an ad depicting the side view of a woman using a very a large scissor to simulate cutting into her flesh attempts to get rid of, what I can only assume she felt was excess flesh.
Of course, this ad had to be a fluke—there couldn’t be more of these types of ads. I quickly did a Google image search using “woman cutting her flesh with scissors”. Surprise! I found close to a dozen of these images of women of all sizes—no faces, just flesh and scissors, blindly (as none of them had any heads) cutting into their own flesh. Even very “traditionally thin” women were cutting their imagined fat away in these images.
What is going on here!
Let’s take a closer look at why this set of images is so WTF?!
1. It prompts women to get rid of any part of the feminine which is unique to the female body—the side roll, the fleshy inner thigh, the side breast etc…It inspires self-hatred by indicating that no part of a woman’s body is exempt from cutting, trimming and tucking away.
The area these women are cutting is generally a more fleshy part of the body for most women, whether they are large or thin, and therefore a normal aspect of the softness of a woman’s body.
Even women who didn’t previously have an issue with this part of their body might start posing to see if side rolls appeared. This is similar to the recent obsession girls had with being able to see between their thighs and measuring to see if a pencil would fit through the opening like a key hole (that might have to be a WTF?! for another time). What are these images saying to young girls whose self-concept may already be fragile?
2. It promotes a sense of violence towards a woman– at her own hands!
How could this image be okay? With all of the talk about women “loving their bodies”, and how “healthy eating leads to a healthy spirit” and “no negative body talk” in our society (unless you are over size 12 then, according to popular culture, you are over the line and need to be rehabilitated), how such a violent image of a woman and her body exist in such a mainstream source as the dollar a photo bucket? Because hatred for fat bodies (whether real or imagined, large, medium or small) have become mainstream. Talking about body love and positive body image has become a common sound bite, but actually accepting oneself is unappetizing and worthy of self mutilation—whatever form it takes!
3. It insinuates that this violence is a positive and even necessary act—cut away that fat—have a better body, and in turn, a better life.
I’m sure some of you might be thinking—it’s only advertising and symbolic advertising at that, but if this image were a young male cutting off the tip of his penis, would this be an acceptable form of advertising imagery? My point is that the mutilation, dissection and minimization of women’s bodies continues to be common place. In terms of using this ad to make the connection to cosmetic surgery, while aspects of this may take place via cosmetic surgery—the image here is not surgical, but self-mutilation in the pursuit of beauty and perfection.
4. It’s using women’s self-hatred to promote a concept of fitness for business capital.
This ad plays into the dark recesses of some women’s minds—”I wish I could just cut it off!” and then promotes that as an option. It reminds me of a story I read several years ago in which a modeling agency was purposely targeting women recovering from anorexia as runway models for a fashion show. How dangerous that is to target someone’s sickness and struggle in the quest for celebrity and monetary gain without care for the damage it could do to a person’s mind, body and spirit.
So… WTF?!
How can this type of advertising still be acceptable and (sadly) an effective method of body/weight bullying in the 21st century?
Tell me what you think.
Am I being too alarmist or do these images also make you say,“What the Fat?!”
If you are struggling with loving your body or you
want to talk more about these issues contact me at
Abundant Body Coach.com
Little Fat Black Girl 